


When the World Stops Turning

by thatnerdemilyj



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Established Relationship, M/M, Memories, Mortal Alec Lightwood, POV Magnus Bane, Please Don't Hate Me, This Author is Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-19 09:02:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22441840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatnerdemilyj/pseuds/thatnerdemilyj
Summary: Fifteen years. Him and Alec had fifteen years of memories. Fifteen years of fun and fights and love. Fifteen years of changing the world.But Magnus wasn’t ready for all of that to end.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 24
Kudos: 70





	When the World Stops Turning

Magnus’ phone hit the floor with a clang, echoing through the immediately silent Institute. Shadowhunters and downworlders alike stopped what they were doing and listened to the guttural sobs that bursted from Magnus’ mouth. He dropped to the floor, his knees hitting painfully against the cement floor but he couldn’t bring himself to care. 

This was the moment he knew he would never be ready for. The moment Alec had tried to prepare him for with words of reassurance and optimism about how special their relationship was and how nothing could come between them, not even... 

Fifteen years. Him and Alec had fifteen years of memories. Fifteen years of fun and fights and love. Fifteen years of changing the  _ world _ . 

But he wasn’t ready for all of that to end. 

The Institute doors slammed open, Jace carrying an unmoving Alec across the threshold before collapsing. His sobs reverberated through the room and Izzy ran from her spot behind Magnus to comfort him. She cradled his head in her lap but he fought, his hands surging to his shirt to watch the fading parabatai rune. He called for medics frantically, his cries being answered as shadowhunters ran to the two men. But Izzy only waved them off, seeing the glowing iratze on Alec’s skin flickering and useless. She held Jace’s face in her hands, pushing his ichor filled hair off of his forehead and placed a gentle kiss there. Her own tears stained her face, her makeup ran and the ichor covering her brother seeped into her clothing. But neither of them could bring themselves to care as they watched their brother, lifeless on the floor.

Magnus was frozen in time. Alec was more still than Magnus had ever seen him, his eyes closed and his face pale. If Magnus didn’t see the parabatai rune on Jace’s abdomen, he would have thought he was already dead. Another door slammed somewhere in the Institute and Alec’s eyes opened, slowly, but they opened. And Magnus snapped back. 

“Alexander!” Magnus wailed. His tears were flowing uncontrollably as he struggled to stand again. He tripped over his usually smooth feet as he ran toward his husband. When he reached, he hauled Alec into his lap and nestled his head into his chest. Alec winced at the movement but smiled anyways. Magnus shook his head and brushed his hair out of his face. It was slick with sweat and pale. So pale. Magnus leaned their foreheads together and sniffled. 

“Hey, I’m… I’m here, Magnus,” Alec stuttered. Magnus held Alec tighter at the sound of his voice. He sounded so... weak. Magnus had never heard him sound so weak or unsure. Magnus realized that Alec’s first reaction was to say he was okay, but he wasn’t. He wasn’t okay. 

“You  _ are _ here. And we’re together, Alexander. Just like we should be,” Magnus reassured. He felt his hands tremble as they carressed Alec’s face. Alec took a shaky breath, his pain obvious to Magnus who shushed him softly. Magnus pressed his lips to Alec’s temple before resting his forehead to the same spot. 

“I’m scared, Magnus,” Alec admitted, his voice trembling as he did so. Magnus pulled back, shock flashing across his face. Alec had always been ready to accept death. In the past, he had spoken about how shadowhunters die quickly and there’s no time to fear it. Magnus wiped away a tear that fell from Alec’s eye and let his thumb swipe gently on his cheekbone. 

“It’s okay, Alexander. You don’t have to be scared. I’m here,” Magnus whispered. Alec shook his head but winced again. Magnus went to chastise him for overdoing it even in death but Alec shook his head again, his hands coming up to rest over Magnus’. 

“Magnus, I…” Alec swallowed as a small sob escaped his lips. “I don’t want you to forget me,” Alec revealed. Magnus inhaled sharply before shaking his own head vigorously. 

“I could never forget you, my love,” Magnus said softly. He leaned in and pressed their lips together, savoring the kiss like it was the last time he would get to taste Alec. More tears fell as he realized that the horrifying truth of it all. That would be one of the last times he would feel the warmth of Alec’s lips against his. He pulled Alec closer, his trembling hands cupping Alec’s face as their lips moved together slowly and gently. Alec pulled back the best he could, his eyes filled with sorrow. 

“In hundreds of years, when you’ve moved on from me…” Alec couldn’t seem to finish, his voice trailing off but his eyes staying focused as best they could on Magnus. Magnus breathed out with a mixture of a sob and laughter. He pressed his forehead to Alec’s and locked their eyes. 

“Impossible,” Magnus chided. He held Alec’s head in his hands before using all of the energy he had in his body to throw his memories into the air. He vaguely heard the gasps around him as the story of their lives circled around them. Both Magnus and Alec smiled at each other as they recalled those special moments. 

Their first kiss, when Alec stormed down the aisle and grabbed him with sure hands. The moment Magnus realized he was in love with Alec, as Alec laid helpless from the effects of the parabatai tracking rune. The moment Alec realized he was in love with Magnus, unable to find him after Valentine infiltrated the Institute. Their first time, with laughter and happiness radiating through them. Their wedding, the happiest Magnus had thought he could ever be. When they adopted Max and Rafael and Magnus realized  _ that _ was the happiest he could be. The many movie nights spent cuddled up on the couch, a kid on each of their laps. Every single time their lips had med and Magnus realized it was the best feeling in the world. Their trips to Paris, London, and Rome where they had somehow found photo booths each time, messing around and playing while obtaining photos Magnus could keep when Alec… 

Magnus was broken out of his thoughts as Alec’s sobs took over. He held Alec as close to him as he could, not ready to let him go. Alec coughed violently, spitting up a mixture of blood and ichor. Magnus shushed him again and brushed his hair back from his forehead. He kissed Alec again, uncaring of the mess because he needed to savor Alec for just a little longer. He needed Alec to know just how much he would remember. 

“I will  _ never _ move on from you, Alexander. In all of my years, I have never been so in love with anyone. You’re my husband, my soulmate, the father of my children, the  _ love _ of my  _ life _ . And these memories will  _ never _ go away,” Magnus sobbed out, his arms pulling Alec’s weakened body even closer to him. Alec nodded slowly, his eyes struggling to stay open. “I love you, Alexander. It’s okay. You can join the angels now, okay?” Alec nodded again as he finally let his eyes shut. His head fell back against Magnus’ arm as he exhaled one last time, the weight of the world no longer on his shoulders. Magnus let his magic flow over him and felt Alec’s heart slow before the beat stilled. 

And Magnus let himself feel. 

The Institute was silent, his sobs only mixed with the whimpers of Izzy and Jace. He held his Alexander in his arms tighter and tighter, his body convulsing with every wail that left his lips. He tried to calm himself down, tried to breath, tried to push away the fact his life was now forever changed. He lifted up his head and saw the memories circling around him. The last time he looked at his past like this was when he was going to erase it forever because at the time the thought of losing Alec was more than he could bear. He realized that the pain he felt at this moment eclipsed any pain he had ever felt before. 

He latched onto that pain and held Alec’s lifeless body just a little bit tighter. 

* * *

“Max Lightwood-Bane, what did I tell you about going into my things?” Magnus chastised, his voice more serious than he ever liked it to be. Alec was always the disciplinarian. Max looked over at his father and shrugged. Though he was looking in Magnus’ direction, he wouldn’t look Magnus in the eyes. Magnus walked over and placed a gentle hand on his son’s shoulder. Max peered up from underneath his eyelashes and Magnus saw the glisten of tears about to fall. Magnus pulled him into a tight hug, his hand stroking over the mess of curls on top of his son’s head. “What’s wrong, my little blueberry?” Magnus asked. Rafael peeked around the side of the bed, matching tears in his eyes. Magnus pulled him into the same hug. 

“We miss daddy, papa. We miss him  _ so _ much,” Max cried, nuzzling his head into Magnus’ neck. A pang shot through Magnus’ heart and he glanced at Rafael, who nodded somberly in agreement. Rafael held up a strip of photos, the sides starting to bend in with age. Magnus chuckled softly and took the photo from Rafael’s hand. He laid back on his bed, his children on either side of him. 

“I want to show you something, boys.” Magnus waved his hands and let his magic flow from his fingertips. Both boys gasped and clung tighter to Magnus as a memory of him and Alec in Paris floated through the air. 

“Daddy?” Max asked softly, one of his hands reaching up to grab at Alec’s hand. When it went through the image, Max sighed. 

“This was our third date. I portalled your daddy to Paris and we found a photo booth near the Eiffel Tower, the biggest tower in all of Paris. And your daddy,” Magnus stopped to breathe in slowly, his breath shaky. “Your daddy pulled us into it and managed to surprise my 400 year old self once again. He was… full of surprises.” Magnus watched as Alec threw his legs over Magnus’ lap and kissed his cheek before drastically changing their position, the timer going off before he could get into the next pose. Magnus watched the smile on Alec’s face and remembered it like it was yesterday, not 25 years ago. 

“I miss him, papa,” Rafael said, his voice choked up with tears. Magnus nodded and kissed both of his sons heads before snapping his fingers and changing the memory in the air. This time, it was Alec tossing assorted foods in Jace’s direction during a family dinner. Both boys giggled and watched, their eyes wide as they remembered their father. 

“He’s watching over us, I have no doubt.” And Magnus didn’t. He felt Alec with him every day. In the black shirts Magnus slept with every night, in the vampires and werewolves he passed in the hallways of the Institute, in the smiles and giggles of his children. But he felt it more when the memories floated over him. And he would hold onto it forever, just like he promised. 

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. I have to say that I made myself cry with this one. IT HURT A LOT. And I honestly hope it hurts you, too.   
> Beta'd (and titled) by my always fantastic [Parabatai](https://schmicosmalec.tumblr.com/).
> 
> Please tell me how sad this made you on [Tumblr](https://archeryandeyeliner.tumblr.com/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/thatnerdemilyj).
> 
> Please leave kudos if you like it and comment to make me smile.


End file.
